I'm Not a Flower Child

The internet is the worst thing to happen in my lifetime thus far. Yes, its good for blogging and reading the paper but it has ruined the way we look for jobs. Back in the day, you looked in the actual real newspaper and called the company directly. Now everything is online and email; please send your resume to some random black hole email @hr.com. I have a better chance of getting a call back by throwing 100 resumes out my apartment window. So I was pleasantly surprised when I saw a sign, looking for delivery men, outside a flower shop last week when stumbling home from T-Bar. This is a real old school way to advertise and I like! I went back the next day to inquire about the job. I left my name and number and was told someone would call me. Yeah, I've heard that before. Well, low and behold the manager called me Monday and told me they want to "test me out" Tuesday. I was not really sure what that meant but I had nothing else to do so I decided to go. WRONG ANSWER!

Let me explain.....(people say I have a tendency to exaggerate but everything I'm about to say is true)

I arrive on 78th and Lex at 8am sharp. ( I didn't even know 8am existed. ) The owner guy literally had three full rows of deliveries for me to do. And I'm not talking about a light bouquet of roses to Park Avenues princesses. I'm talking about full floral displays with water filled vases to be delivered to literally every corner of New York City. Before noon, I was in Harlem, Midtown East, Murray Hill, Gramercy Park, East Village, West Village and Meatpacking. Also, was in hospitals, nursing homes and restaurants. They gave me an unlimited metro card for the day and said good luck. Handed me a few bags to package the flowers in and I was off. What the fuck? But I said to myself, its a nice day and will be a good workout. This might have been the worst decision I've ever made in my life, including going to Pitt. This couldn't be normal. Since I've been in New York I have probably ridden the subway and bus over 1,000 times and NOT once have I seen a flower delivery person. Don't they have their own flower shops in the West Village? By 3pm, my feet were bleeding and had blisters all over my hands. I thought mental labor wasn't for me, well physical labor is definitely not for me! The only thing for me is retirement. Ahhh, good ole retirement I love so much. I didn't even go back after my 3pm lunch. "Hey, I'm Retired at 28!"