IPAD 2

As you should know by now, I really only have a few very close friends. Thats all you need in life. Everyone else can go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge for all I care. I have my "annoying friend" and my "cheap friend" BUT I also have my "rich friend" and my "smart friend". This post is going to talk about my rich and my smart friend. (Side note: I will not use names but if you have half a brain you'll be able to figure it out.) When something new and shinny and preferably expensive comes out on the market, rich friend wants it, and smart friend knows how to get it. And I'm the retired asshole who does the legwork (aka bitch work) to get it. So now let me explain...

The IPAD 2 is the hottest thing to have these days. They are so hot right, that being seen with the original IPAD is deemed social suicide. Case in point. Went to the National a few nights ago and there were three blondes sitting next to us at the bar. Bartender pours all three of them a glass of white wine and says its from the guy in the corner. I take a look at this fool and he's some dorky looking business man who is probably married with three kids back home in Ohio or somewhere. He eventually comes over to talk to them and he's carrying an original IPAD. These three blondes take a look at him but more importantly take a look at this bulky IPAD and say "umm no thanks". (Side note: I started talking to one of the blondes and she said she was supposedly the first cast mate of the Real Housewives of New York but turned it down because she thought the premise of the show was a bad idea. Dumbass! Yes, she's one of the people who can jump of the Brooklyn Bridge. Tootles.)

Sorry for the rambling. Anyways, smart friend writes a code (a la Social Network) to monitor the inventory of one particular retail store who carry the new IPADs in New York. He gives this information to rich friend who is checking this damn inventory every 30 seconds at work. Yesterday morning, bingo,  shipment is dropped off at the store at 10 am. Rich friend is chained to his desk at work, (sounds awful), and doesn't have time to trek up to Harlem to buy his IPAD. So guess who he calls? He'll pay for my roundtrip cab fare and a nice steak dinner anywhere around town if I can get my ass outta bed and pick him up his damn IPAD. You always want to keep rich friend happy, especially those nights when he thinks its a good idea to pay for everyones drinks at Hurricane Club. I throw on my cutoff sweats, kobe shoes and a fleece. I look like a complete loser. I buy two IPADs, as thats the max you can get, and I get the hell out of there. I'm holding $1,900 of electronics in a flimsy plastic bag walking around Harlem looking desperately for a cab. No dice! I feel like everyone is looking at me, getting ready to pounce on me. It's like going through security at the airport with an eight ball in your front pocket. You think all eyes on you! I put the IPADs under my fleece but that makes it look even more obvious and now people are definitely looking at me, because I look like a complete dumbass now. I finally get a damn cab and get home safe and sound. Put the extra IPAD on craigslist and looking to make a cool 300 bones off it. And don't forget the steak dinner I was promised. Maybe Lugers, T-Bar, or Lavo....But where ever we go I need to make sure they have the "steak for two". No, not for both of us to share. Rich friend can get a side salad for all I care, the steak is for me! What?? "Hey, I'm retired at 28!"