Shuffleboard

Its fitting that I write about shuffleboard since I'm now retired. But I'm not talking about your grandmothers shuffleboard with the cues down in Boca. I'm talking shuffleboards with the shiny wood and sand. (side note-is it just me, or after playing any sort of game on the IPad2, you actually want to go out and play it for real?) Phil has this amazing shuffleboard board app on the pad, so it really got me in the mood for live shuffleboard. The first place I found was Plug Uglies on Third Avenue and 20th Street. Not a bad spot and has a free table in the back. Bingo, yes please. There is a chalkboard to sign up and winner stays on. I sign my name up like five times in a row and because the bar can get crowded and the drunkards forget they signed up, I usually start manning the table and give one weak shout for the next person in line. Wait five seconds then erase their names. Genius, right?

Eric and I started researching other places in the city. We found a gem of a place down in Tribeca called Nancy Whiskey. Lets just say, if you want to find the complete opposite of T-Bar come down to this uber-dive bar. Happy hour consists of $2.50 Bud Lights from 4-7pm. Again, you would be losing money if you didn't come here. But what is interesting about the shuffleboard table here, compared to Plug Uglies, is its a considerably shorter table with bumpers on each side. The rule is you have to hit one bumper with your disc for it to be in play. It actually adds a lot of skill to the game. But this place is all business all the time. Does anyone work in this town? Bar was packed by 5pm with some very very good shuffle-boarders. This one drunk fool, comes every day after work as he works a few blocks away at the courthouse doing child welfare placement. Good to know our court system is in good hands. After this guy beat Eric and I like five times in a row, and the happy hour was coming to end, we decided to leave. I needed my mid-day nap anyways. On the way out the dude gave us two pieces of advice on life:    
1.) Make sure you don't have any illegitimate kids running around. 2.) Try to drink in the middle of the day as much as possible. And now my answers to him: 1.) Doesn't matter because I have no money to give the women anyway (he laughed). 2.) I ONLY drink in the middle of the day because, "Hey, I'm Retired at 28!"